We are Alpha Company

Me as a lowly Squad Leader in Basic Training.

The humidity in Missouri is palpable. It feels as if you can grab it like a sponge, squeeze it and water will fall to the ground. It sits on your body….you don’t even have to exert yourself, it just “is”. 4:00 am I was wide awake begging (that may be an exaggeration) my husband to open a window and turn on the attic fan. It had hit nearly 90 the day before, humidity was off the charts and he didn’t want to turn the air conditioner on. Not yet. I guess he wanted to see just how miserable we could get before relenting. So as he is getting ready to leave for work, I’m begging for relief. Finally I feel cool, wet air sweep over me as the attic fan comes to life. And I am immediately transported….

To a different bed…in the same great state of Missouri…33 years ago. I was thinking the same thing then…how horrible the humidity was. How horrible the humidity ALWAYS seemed to be here! I was lucky (in this sense) to be a female in my MOS of 62J (General Construction Equipment Operator). It meant that while I was in AIT (Advanced Individual Training) for my job in the Army, there were so few females we basically got our own barracks room and didn’t have to sleep in open squad bays or 4-8 man rooms where the guys slept. So there I was….unsuccessfully trying to sleep, in my PT (Physical Training) uniform, gray tshirt with ARMY in big block letters across the front and gray shorts. Trying to grab any amount of sleep is monumental in training, and I know I did sleep, but I remember distinctly waking up most mornings, when reveille sounded, drenched in sweat and thinking “oh good, now I get to go sweat more for PT!” And “Good Lord do I smell!” Yeah, no AC in the barracks, no attic fans to pull in any air. Just plain misery. As a matter of fact, there’s a Cadence called Misery that I’m pretty sure they were just mispronouncing Missouri as Misery….but I digress.

This time in my life was an interesting one. As I’ve mentioned before, I have never been a great rule follower…unfortunately the Army didn’t break me of that. I pulled a few drunk stunts and they did what anyone would do with a troublemaker. They put me in charge of something. A platoon full of guys and the occasional girl. Our platoon consiisted of 4 squads of 8-10 people apiece. About 30-40 people became my responsibility. I enjoyed calling cadence, I suppose because I like to sing. This is a variation of my favorite one to call

https://www.tiktok.com/@niy_nextdoor/video/7310414100868238634

We marched everywhere, so I had a lot of practice with Cadences. I got pretty adept at covering for those who were late or just inexplicably missing from formation. ‘All present or accounted for, Sergeant!” I would yell, when in reality I had no idea where 2 or 3 of my guys were. I even was able to draw attention away from the drunk guy in the back of formation who had turned around to relieve himself while we were supposed to be at the position of Attention. Of all the things to remember…why that?

Although giving me responsibilities seemed to curb my knack for getting in trouble, as I counted down the days until ‘graduation” on our chalkboard in the barracks: 62J - 3 days and a wake up : I still found a way to screw up. Back then we were not allowed to have any of our civilian clothing/belongings while in training. Point blank, no exceptions. But we were getting so close to graduation and I wanted my music. My Walk-Man. And I knew which closet all of our civilian bags were stored in. Yep, my “rules don’t apply to me” ass broke into this locked closet and secured my Walk-man. I got caught somehow, amazingly I don’t remember how, but I do remember the consequence. One more week got added to my time spent at Ft. Leonard Wood. They changed my military orders so that I had to stay another week. You can’t imagine how horrible that was. That place in the middle of summer was HELL. At least it felt like hell to me!

I had already been through 8 weeks of Basic Training and now 8 more weeks of AIT. I had endured the hells of being transported by Cattle Cars (yes, just like cattle smashed together), being screamed at by Drill Sergeants aptly nicknamed Bitch and Witch, eaten some of the worst food known to mankind…in silence, mind you. I’d marched for miles and miles with rucksacks of probably 40 lbs on my back. I’d been gassed by CS, both in the gas chamber, and multiple times in the field resulting in the clearest sinuses I’ve ever had. I spent weeks without showers, constipated myself with MREs, had multiple yeast infections due to our uniforms (look it up, it was a thing). I laid down night after night saying to myself “Millions have done it before me, I can do it too”.

And then after accomplishing all that, I had to push the envelope and break into a closet.

Some may wonder why I can’t just be satisfied with where I am, with what I have or what I’ve accomplished. I’d say…why be predictable? Or more truthfully, I’d say where is the fun in not taking chances?

To circle back…here I am again in Missouri. Humidity sucks. Thank God for AC. More importantly, Thank God Tom turned it on today!