American Soldier

listen here:

https://youtu.be/DWrMeBR8W-c?si=yl44X-QkVBm5YKgz

I feel so young when I hear this song. I’ve been listening to this for weeks, knowing I have so much to write but almost afraid of all of the emotions this one song brings forth. There were many angles I contemplated writing this one from and I’m still not sure I’m going to get it right but I’m going to try…so stay with me. Literally every line in this song brings back a flood of emotions, some regrets and a lot of pride.

I’m just trying to be a father

Raise a daughter and a son

Be a lover to their mother

Everything to everyone

Obviously written from a male perspective, I can’t help but think of all that my ex-husband had to be feeling during our military years. He was just trying to be a dad, a husband and a soldier. He relied on me to hold the fort down at home through many deployments and long work days at home. Looking back, I did take care of everything…but with a lot of resentment We chose for me to leave active duty so that one of us would always be with our child rather than both of us being deployed and having someone else raise her. We felt it was best for Christine and any future children. Who knows if this was the right decision. I was depended upon to take care of all things “not Army’. Everything but his job. This is what a military wife does without much support from their spouse but rather from other military spouses. If anyone feels this is an easy life I would vehemently disagree. Do you know how many military marriages fail? Almost all of them. Either due to extended time apart, financial stresses, infidelities, PTSD…these are all things I’ve experienced first hand. I met someone recently who is a military wife in her 70s. She is the 5th wife. FIFTH. I personally was the 2nd wife and am now proudly the 3rd wife of a Marine. Military life is hard on everyone…the service member and their spouse/family.

I was a young mother of a “daughter and a son”. YOUNG. 23. My husband had just deployed to Cuba but had been able to make it home for the birth of that 2nd child, Douglas. I was still in the Army Reserves, working my mom bod back into shape so that I could get promoted. Fitness standards had to be met prior to going to school for promotions. I was finally meeting that standard when BOOM! I was pregnant again. Yeah yeah, I know what causes it. It took awhile for me to accept that I was not getting promoted any time soon since I couldn’t complete the school pregnant. Resentment. Shortly after this we were informed that my husband would be deployed to Bosnia at about my 8 month mark. He wouldn’t be home for the birth…this is where the military spouses stepped in. One of them stayed with my children when I went into labor and another took me to the hospital, walked countless hours through empty hallways in the middle of the night to help speed things up. She also supported me through labor and helped me bring Hunter Jackey into this world. Nelda Milligan is Hunter’s surrogate and we still stay in touch nearly 30 years later. Hunter was 5 months old before she met her actual father.

That’s the military way. Adapt and overcome. Or don’t and eventually divorce. As hard as all of this was for me - I don’t think I truly grasped how it affected my ex. One of my many regrets.

Up and at em bright and early

I’m all business in my suit

Yeah I’m dressed up for success

From my head down to my boots

PT (physical training) was indeed bright and early. That was the first uniform of the day. Generally after PT you were allowed to go home to shower, eat and be back to work around 8:00 am. I remember putting BDU’s (Battle Dress Uniform (camouflage)) on daily. Making sure they had those crisp ironed lines down the trousers and sleeves, boots polished, sleeves rolled just right. I was always so proud to put it on, proud to know so many people who wore it. It was our own little world that not everyone understood.

I don’t do it for the money

There’s bills that I can’t pay

I don’t do it for the glory

I just do it anyway

Providing for our future’s my resonsibility

Hey, I’m real good under pressure

Bein’ all that I can be

There was pride in the uniform, in the idea of serving our county. Of knowing we were sacrificing years of our lives. You do give them years and financially there isn’t a lot of return. Sure, there are perks such as mediocre free health care, but base pay is really not much. We did without, a lot. With three kids we were supported by WIC to help us with formula and basic food items. We did without fancy things like Cable TV or a second car. We struggled but there was always a sense of purpose. So you re-enlisted and continued on.

I cant call in sick on Mondays

When the weekends been too strong

I just work straight through the holidays

Sometimes all night long

You accept that for as many 4 day weekends you get for every government holiday there are just as many that you work straight through. You accept that some years you don’t get to see your family back home. Sometimes Holiday block leave isn’t on the Holiday. Sometimes you’re deployed during COVID and don’t get to get off of a ship for 6 months (Alan). Sometimes you’re stationed overseas for 3 years during COVID and can’t come home or have family come there (Douglas). 12 hour days become common and you could be called back to work after you just got home.

Recently I was telling a friend how one of our Navy sons, Alan, was working 13-14 hour days and my friend was amazed that the Navy didn’t give him extra time off (or make-up time off) for the extra hours he was working. I don’t think she understands that Uncle Sam’s owns you when you sign that contract. Then I thought that maybe MOST people don’t know unless they’ve lived it. I asked her if she had ever heard American Soldiers by Tody Keith…it’s the military wrapped up in one song. And I can personally attest to not being able to call in sick on Mondays when the weekend was too strong. I spent many Monday mornings drunk or hungover in the back of a 5-ton headed to the field. No, calling in sick was never an option.

You can bet that I stand ready

When the wolf growls at the door

Hey, I’m solid. Hey, I’m steady

Hey, I’m true down to the core.

Ask my children if we are ready when danger comes to our door, near our family and into our lives. They know the answer and live by the same values whether they served or not. And every veteran I know, no matter how long they served, has this same core belief. They are unwavering in their patriotism and will still protect until they can’t any longer.

And I will always do my duty

No matter what the price

I’ve counted up the cost

I know the sacrifice’

Oh and I don’t want to die for you

But if dyin’s asked of me

I’d bear that cross with honor

‘Cause freedom don’t come free

We’ve done our duty, but in our hearts and minds we are always ready when needed. We’ve sacrificed. All of us in our own ways. We never fit in anywhere except with our own. We’ve decided that the sacrifice was worth it and we stand proud knowing that was the choice we made. We are confident in ourselves but we aren’t cocky…..well Marines are cocky, but that’s a whole different level of crazy we won’t get into. We know we have done things that those around us have never contemplated doing. Lastly, still today each and every one of us would die for our country. For freedom. For you. We all know someone who HAS died and wish it had been us instead. We hope and pray we have instilled this sense of honor and duty to the next generation to pass on. Some families are families of farmers, doctors, lawyers, teachers. We chose Soldiers, Marines, Sailors and those that support them. Someone has to be on those front lines.

And I promise to the future of our family…I will even accept an Airman….if I have to.

I’m an American Soldier

An American

Beside my brothers and my sisters

I will proudly take a stand

When liberty’s in jeopardy

I will always do what’s right

I’m out here on the front lines

So sleep in peace tonight

American Soldier

I’m an American Soldier.