The Words I Would Say

PLEASE LISTEN : https://youtu.be/8t9u-LOa3OI?si=bE8fLKUt1xTAFf3D

They never tell you about the emptiness you feel each time one of your children leaves home. It doesn’t matter how many times they leave or which kid is the one heading out. A piece of you goes with them, whether they know it or can feel it. I’ve said a lot of goodbyes, as I’m sure a lot of people have. Today I said another one and here I sit feeling sorry for myself. You would think I would have it perfected by now…..the whole goodbye thing.……

Lots of years ago, at my invitation it seems, my first born said goodbye at 17. In the middle of her senior year we could no longer get along so after a huge fight she moved out…..and I was devastated. It was the hardest goodbye I ever ‘said”….and I never even got to say it. The 1st night we didn’t even know where she was, I remember the heartbreak of her being gone and the feeling of failure. I couldn’t sleep, I would be up all night, and pass out during the day. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more for her and then one day I had peace. The words of this song were always on my heart for her. Words I could never say, but needed her to know.

I said goodbye, again, as my second born left the next year for the Marine Corps. My heart was bursting with pride and breaking at the same time. Good or bad, he had become someone I could spill my heart to, sit up late and joke around with, my friend…..I vividly remember lying on the couch, after dropping him at the airport, alternating between crying and just being numb.

A few years passed, the next child moved to an apartment, then a couple kids came home, then left again. Then what do you know, but the 3rd child decides she is moving to KC with her boyfriend. I’ve lost another one! This is what is supposed to happen in life right? Your children are supposed to form lives of their own….but what about mom? Who has poured the last 20+ years into them?

But don’t worry, there are 2 more at home….well there was, anyway. The 4th ventures out into the US Navy, on deployments for months at a time where there is minimal communication comparatively speaking. And he’s decided to make a career of it. Another heart fulfilling, heart breaking moment for mom. Cmon and jump into my pity party…..there’s room….I’ll wait.

I have ONE more year with a child at home before he follows in his brothers’ footsteps, forging his own path in the military. It’s different with this one, I tell myself, I’ve done it enough times that this goodbye won’t be as hard, I know what to expect, right? I call bullshit! Whatever I think I’m prepared for, I’m not.

They’ve come home, they leave. Sometimes I have gotten lucky and they stay in the area. Sometimes they don’t and I couldn’t be more proud that they have that streak of independence to live their own lives. Sometimes it’s as hard to watch them drive away knowing they only live 20 minutes from me as it is to send them off to another country for 3 years.

They each mean the world to me and although I suck at saying it these are the words I WOULD say….

LISTEN KIDDOS: https://youtu.be/8t9u-LOa3OI?si=i5YBZ6iX3-K3viPA

Three in the morning and I'm still awake

So I picked up a pen and a page

And I started writing just what I'd say

If we were face to face

I'd tell you just what you mean to me

Tell you these simple truths

Be strong in the Lord and

Never give up hope

You're gonna do great things

I already know

God's got his hand on you so

Don't live life in fear

Forgive and forget

But don't forget why you're here

Take your time and pray

These are the words I would say