Restless Kind

My job is not exciting and I’m ok with that. I just need a paycheck to be able to DO the exciting things. I spend my day checking in patients at a Podiatry office. I ask the same questions of every person that comes in the door. We serve all ages of the community, but there is a specific demographic of people that tend to laugh at my questions. ‘Have you had any changes in address of phone number since we last saw you? Any insurance changes? PCP changes?” Most of the older generations laugh and say, “Oh no, honey, nothing’s changed in 40 years! I’m boring.” But today I got a different answer that made me rethink who I am. A patient said, “No, nothing has changed in 40 years. I wish there WAS some change in my life.” I laughed and said, “Me too!”. And then sat the rest of the day realizing that I really DO, and always have, craved change.

When I was 19 I COULD NOT WAIT to get out of my boring life in Louisville. Wait rewind…..as a CHILD I needed to escape the “every day” life. I believe I did this through reading….I read everything! And I was transported all over the world, was a part of mysterious peoples lives, lived vicariously through stories of athletes, doctors…you name it! Did I realize what I was doing? No, I did not. But we as a family were never able to take vacations, or do anything out of the ordinary due to finances. My hours of reading in a Library let me explore other people, not just my day to day life.

I’ve never had a desire, per se, to travel, so I wouldn’t say I have an adventurous spirit. I think I just get BORED easily. Many people find comfort in the never changing of decor, or life circumstances. Not me.

Thankfully this need was met by the jumping from place to place with the military. Always a new place to conquer, new accommodations to spruce up, new friends to find, new involvements.

Maybe it’s what happened in my first marriage. Maybe I got bored. I don’t want to think too deeply on that one. But after that disaster I decided it was time to grow up, and that life wasn’t all about what I wanted all the time. My children deserved a stable mom.

So, I remarried (something new), built a house and moved (something new), moved again to Missouri (something new), started working after 20 years (something new), switched jobs many times usually after a couple of years each (Seeing the pattern here?), completely redid most of my house (yup), tried to get my husband to move to a different house, bought sites at a campground instead……

And now I’m bored. He would say I’m never satisfied, I’m sure. But it’s not that! I am satisfied! I don’t need MORE….i need DIFFERENT. I’m RESTLESS!

And it took a patient today for me to even take the time to look at myself and realize it.

I’ve been in a funk for the last week and could not put my finger on why. I have this feeling inside that I need to do something exciting, somewhere new, where no one knows me. I would go home from work going through my “gratitude” list trying to psych myself up before getting home. There is SO MUCH I have to be grateful for!

Restless Kind by Night Ranger https://youtu.be/jUEhq3fzcsM?si=EufbagGLoAexumfn

This song has always been my favorite song by them. Well ever since it came out, anyway. They have been my favorite band as long as I can remember and this song is on like their 4th album or something. I’ve never heard anyone mention this song, but I would put it in my top 5 of favorites overall. When I have listened to it in the past, it always took me back to 1991 when I was a year out of high school and leading a Senior Retreat at my old high school. We each had to give a talk and pick a song to close our talk with. This was mine. It talks of heading out on your own, and failing but picking yourself up again. I always took it as God speaking to me in this song, and that’s how I presented it. He was and is always with me….even when I make choices that don’t glorify him (which unfortunately are all the time).

Today I think I need to embrace the feeling of restlessness now that I have identified it. It’s too late to change me! And instead of coming home like I did today with a restlessness that was driving me to get out and do something I can instead enjoy the outdoors, the beautiful weather and just break up my routines (today by writing) to get out of my restless funk.