Otro Dia Mas Sin Verte (Just Another Day Without You)
Sometimes I look back at life and am amazed at all of the things I’ve accomplished. They may seem like normal feats to anyone who may be watching, but as with everything there is a deeper story to an individual’s life that the outsider can’t see or feel. In the first picture you’ll see me. First pregnancy, happy mom-to be! What you don’t see or know….I'm stationed in Germany at this time, I am seeing German doctors and will have my child in a German hospital, no support system besides my husband, can’t pick up the phone and just call home to get advice from my mother (because phone calls across the world cost a hefty amount of money), am excited but oblivious because I don’t have any idea what I’m getting into. Not only that, my husband was away frequently because ya know….Army. TDY {Tempory Duty) to Stuttgart for weeks at a time, PLDC (Primary Leadership Development Course) in Grafenwoehr for 4 weeks, in and out of the Field. To me it was my normal. That was my life at that time. I don’t know if I’ve always been independently strong or if these are the types of things that made me that way, but I was definitely that way then out of necessity. What choice did I have? I suppose failure is a choice, but failing never dawned on me. I’m more of a “do what you have to do to get through it” kind of person. So I did. We did.
We made it work. I did a lot of driving on weekends to go see my husband. And as you know, some of the best concerts are when you’re in a car, alone, driving! For some reason I was on a Jon Secada kick. I can’t even tell you how I came across his CD (yes, we listened to CDs in the 90s). I would sing this song as loud as I could in my flawless Spanish, not even knowing what I was saying (that’s a lie, the English version was on the CD too but I preferred to sing in Spanish because it was beautiful) as I made my way to another town in Bavaria so I could spend time with my husband and he could see his adorably pregnant wife.
I listened to this song so much that for years after whenever I would hear it I would begin to feel nauseated as if I had morning sickness. Tell me music doesn’t do some wonky things in to your brain and I’ll tell you you’re a liar!
Our pregnancies are nothing alike. She has the support of 2 loving families that I never comprehended I was missing at the time. She can call and ask questions that I never have an answer to, or call just to cry because she’s pregnant and doesn’t know why she is crying, She can share all of the milestones of the pregnancy, get help when she needs it or even when she doesn’t want it…lol.
But our pregnancies are much the same, as well, I would have to think. We both were excited the first time we heard a heartbeat. We both feared that we may not being doing the right things for our baby. We both were/are pregnant at the same time of year and were/are due the same week.
I told a co-worker today that I’ve always been a pretty “hands-off” mom, especially to my grown kids. She didn’t feel like that was the best words to describe what I mean. What I mean is that I don’t meddle in their lives. They each know (I hope) that I am ALWAYS there for them for anything when they need or want me. This is probably because I am an independent introvert who doesn’t want people in my own business, so I assume everyone would want the same. I don’t ask questions, I don’t just show up on their doorsteps. I wait for them to share the parts of their lives that they WANT to share with me.
Hands off but arms open wide may be a better description. Sometimes I may miss out on things in their lives, but I feel it’s more important to be invited in rather than to force my way in and fear being resented for it.
So, I am grateful that Christine, my pregnant daughter, has chosen to let me share in her pregnancy. It is unfathomable that I was in her pregnancy shoes 30 years ago. 30 years. Watch out kiddo…..time does indeed fly.
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