Deep Thoughts by Mom
So we have been through the fact that I am not a thinker right? Definitely not a DEEP thinker! I don’t know why…I guess it seems like work and well we all know how I feel about working. Overrated (unless you want to eat, have a car, put gas in said car, pay for a home…you get it).
So imagine this. I’m sick for damn near a week. I can’t work and one can only sleep so much. I had a headache most of the time which means I didn’t want to watch TV, play on my iPad, or read because it made it worse. So I decided to listen to music (Christian Music) which inevitably leads to prayer through the music. My prayer life could use some work and is very dependent on the music I hear. Again, I’m lazy….so basically someone else has come up with the prayer that I know is full of scripture and I can apply it to people I pray for or situations in my life. Pretty clever huh? I’m sure a zillion people do this and I’m not the first person to think of this….but I think it’s pretty ingenious!
Now, this sickness I had. We aren’t sure what it was except I had a very high fever for a few days causing terrible chills and exhaustion. Seemingly unrelated I was having terrible upper stomach pain. I figured I just had a virus and was fighting it off but after a few days I realized it wasn’t going away. My kids were worried, my husband was worried, my friends were worried. Probably because I rarely get sick. But I have to be honest and say I was not too worried about it. I don’t worry. I mean what’s the point really? If you’re a believer, then it doesn’t matter what happens. Oh this sounds so simple minded, I know this. I didn’t feel like I was near death or anything, but I had so many people in my ear saying “you’re not taking this seriously enough!”, “you need to push the doctors for more tests to find answers!”. Yes, I’m laid back. I wanted answers and felt like the doctors were working to get them…they aren’t always instantaneous. But never was I worried.
And as I was laying there listening to my music I started wondering if my children truly understand why I don’t worry. So I started taking notes of the lyrics I was hearing because these scriptures and promises ARE the reasons.
“I’m not gonna fear the storm just because I hear it roar. I’m not fear the storm, You are greater than its roar.
Peace be still, You are here so it is well. Even when my eyes can’t see, I will trust the voice that speaks.“
https://youtu.be/lsIpGiz3SfQ?si=CqKDTk7TjdIFmCLr Peace Be Still - Hope Darst
To me it is so simple. Black and white. If you believe, there should be no reason to worry. It doesn’t mean life is going to be easy. Life will still suck! But it means to me that He has this whether I understand it or not (and I do NOT). I TRUST that He has my best interests at heart because He has told me so. So I either believe it since I’m a believer in HIM, or I don’t believe it making me a non-believer in Jesus. Black and White.
So as I’m lying there thinking (gasp) and crying over the goodness of God, I start praying that my children know this about me. Once upon a time, I was like everyone else and wanted to make a name for myself in the world, but over time that desire has dissipated completely. I have raised them in a Godly home, but have strayed away from a church. I don’t know HOW the kids view my faith. Do I show them enough without preaching at them? Am I an example of Jesus? Do I try hard enough? I know the answer to that last one…I have a ton of work to do.
But I realized as I was listening to the music that it doesn’t matter if they understand my faith…what matters is that my actions show Jesus.
“I don’t want to leave a legacy. I don’t care if they remember me.
Only Jesus
I’ve only got one life to live. I’ll let every second point to Him.
Only Jesus”
https://youtu.be/_eQd3K2Fxp4?si=j9sMWcCT-ge_TDvx Only Jesus - casting crowns
“Let my faith be more than anthems. Greater than the songs I sing.” I Believe - Newsboys
I wish I could make my children feel the same way. I wish I could take away their anxiety, all the time they spend worrying over things they can’t change. I wish I could give them the peace that I know.
But then I remember that I didn’t have this at their ages either. So I pray for them. A lot. And I hope they will some day feel the peace of Jesus that I have finally found.
BTW, people sometimes suck, churches sometimes suck. They disappoint, they fail us because they are human. Sometimes we need people and churches to help us understand that GOD does not fail. People fail us. God does not. Never turn your back on God because people have failed/hurt you in His name. God never changes, He never fails us.
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